How to overcome your fears

Do you wish to learn how to overcome your fears? Every child knows fear, including babies who are only a few months old. When my son was only 6 months old, he cried whenever someone he wasn’t familiar with tried touching him. I couldn’t have anyone hold him for me, even for a few minutes if I wanted to get something done. His fear was genuine. And so it is with so many other babies. While I don’t know for sure what these babies may be thinking, I know that the fear of many things continues to be with us as we grow older.

Fear and Love

Fear is such a common emotion that we may not stop sometimes to think about that emotion. We may think or know that fear may be involved in what we are going through yet, we accept that as is and don’t give it much thought. What if we challenge our fears, what could happen?

Fear is very much connected to love and safety. If a baby, a child or an adult feels loved and safe, there is absolutely no fear. Fear and love are opposites. Have you ever felt afraid when you were safe? The situations and environment around you may still be the same, but all fear will disappear once you feel safe and surrounded by love

My son clings to me because he feels safe and has the assurance of my love when strangers are around him. In 1 John 4:18, the writer notes that there is no fear in love; perfect love drives out all fear. This is so true. Sometimes, you notice that when some people are face to face with danger and they have the reassuring love of God and family or friends, then they are motivated to fight on.

They push through the fear and face the outcome with courage because they have a deeper motivation, which is beyond any fear they may be facing at that point. We hear heroic stories of the sacrifice people make for others because love motivates them – parents, single parents, siblings, friends and complete strangers. Though these heroes are afraid too, their love for others, overpowers this fear as they reach out a helping hand.

There is no fear in love; perfect love drives out all fear.

1 John 4:18

Is fear then good or bad?

I am no stranger to the emotion of fear myself: I often freeze in the dark, when climbing down mountains on a hike, worry about the unknown and when I run into animals. One comforting thought is that I am not alone with this emotion. Everyone experiences  fear at some point.

Is fear then good or bad? While I am not sure this is the question to ask about fear, you may hear people say fear motivates them to accomplish and challenge things. Things they would never have done before. This is one aspect of when I hear fear being referred to as a good thing.

Sometimes, fear may be seen as bad when people are paralyzed and crippled into inaction because they are feeling afraid. When people are held hostage by fear, they may feel trapped as well and hang on to less than desirable life. They also deny the rest of the world the blessings of their gift.

What exactly is Fear?

Good or bad, the emotion of fear and some outcomes we get when wrapped in fear are real and true.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines fear as an unpleasant, often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger. Fear as an emotion, a feeling is neither good nor bad. Feelings just are. It is what we do with our feelings that may be good or bad for us.

If I feel happy and go about smashing people’s windows – just because I’m drunk with happiness, no one will talk about my feelings of being happy. The conversation will be on what I have just done because I was so happy – smashing windows and screaming at the top of my voice in the neighbourhood.

If, however, in my happy state, I bought everyone around me a cup of coffee to celebrate my happiness, that would be newsworthy in a different way. The headlines will focus on what made me give out free cups of coffee which was my overwhelming feelings of happiness.

Note that in both scenarios, when I felt happy, I only wanted to share my happiness with others. There was just a slight problem with my actions from this feeling in the first scenario. 

Overcoming fear

As we begin the journey to the last months in 2020, you may look back to how excited you were when we were approaching 2020. Then as the year just kicked off, things changed with the pandemic which turned excitement into fear and anxiety. You may have different emotions with how this year has progressed.

As you reflect on these remaining months of 2020 and the coming 2021, you may still be filled with fear and anxiety. Not sure what lies ahead, you may be feeling some fear and apprehension about all the unknowns. Remember that you are not alone. I hope the strategies below will help you overcome your fears and look ahead with courage.

• Name it: Fear is a feeling, an emotion. Name it as such, then take a step back and think of how to go about any fear you may experience. Naming things brings them on a level playing field so you can take positive action. It is a challenge to deal with a nameless thing. Imagine if someone is sick and doctors don’t have a name  for what the person is suffering. The treatment cannot start until there is a prognosis and healing will be delayed. When afraid, take a deep breath, acknowledge what you are experiencing and say to yourself – I am feeling afraid now. Do not say I am afraid, rather say you feel fearful or afraid. There is power not just in naming things but also in what we say.
• Let go: Once you name fear, take a step back and explore within you why you think this feeling is coming up in that situation. Could it be from past experiences, what someone said/did, something that happened to you in the past? Recognizing that most feelings come from experiences in our past is very helpful. It may lead us to realizing that there are things we need to deal with and once these are dealt with, we will not experience those feelings of fear in these kinds of situations. It will also help us recognize the reality, including that we are in a different place and situation now and the things that may have happened in the past, have no hold over us anymore – so let go.

• Embrace Gratitude – I know that saying these things are easy, but they are not so easy to do as humans. Even knowing these strategies does not stop me from feeling fear often. These strategies help us manage and overcome fear because when we know how to deal with fear and don’t dwell on the feeling of fear for too long that it overtakes us, we are many steps ahead of fear. Remember that “there is no fear in love; perfect love drives out all fear.” –  1 John 4:18. 

By practicing gratitude for all the love in your life,  it will amaze you how quickly love will replace the feeling of fear and move you to action. This blog is an example of this. I have been feeling afraid of releasing my thoughts into the world. However, once I started being grateful for the gifts I have and have the ability to share and bless others, I got out my laptop and started writing.

You are an overcomer

I hope this has blessed you. Fear is an emotion. No one escapes feeling afraid in their life. It is our reaction to the emotion of fear that may have good or bad outcomes. Love is the opposite of fear. When we feel safe and loved, there is no fear.

God, the creator loves you even when no one else loves you. He created you and he can never abandon what he made. So turn to love in the moments of fear – turn to God, your loved ones and share your gifts with others and fear will disappear.

Remain blessed.